5 Parenting Tips From Homer Simpson

“When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV! “- Homer Simpson

For over 20 years, this dimwitted TV dad has dispensed great deal of knowledge to fathers across the globe. Although 90% of his actions are atrocious at best, you must admit Homer means well. While I’m not suggesting you become a drunk, ignore your wife and kids, steal from your neighbor or choke your problem child, I am hoping you’ll consider these parenting tips from “Mr. Plow” (There’s a reason he has 3 kids) and become a better dad in the process.

“Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.”

Stop trying to be the perfect dad and then beating yourself up when you fail. None of us are perfect. Wait, let me rephrase that- none of you are perfect. You’ll be a much better/happier father once you come to terms with that.

“If you really want something in this life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”

If your last name isn’t Trump or Gates, you can rest assured that you’ll work to get what you want in life. I hope that you’re mature enough to understand that lottery tickets are for suckers. You want your kids to stay outta juvey? It’s going to take some work on your part. Teach him the ropes and don’t be afraid of a little discipline.

“Back, you robots! Nobody ruins my family vacation but me, and… maybe the boy!”

You, dad, have the power to make a family outing successful and enjoyable. Your wife always tries to make the best of everything while you’re used to blowing up because the price of gas went up. Quit crying tightwad – don’t let oil prices or robots ruin your special time with the family.

“I want to share something with you. The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.”

Upon hearing that he was about to die, Homer J. shared these words of wisdom with Bart. You don’t have to wait until you think you’re about to die to share advice with your kids. Your influence over your children is huge – use it wisely.

“My father never believed in me! I’m not gonna make the same mistake. From now on I’m gonna be kinder to my son and meaner to my dad.”

Don’t crush your kids dreams. Step up and be supportive. Encourage your children to pursue whatever it is that they love. Remember the T-shirt that reads ‘Be nice to your kids. They’ll chose your nursing home.’