The Manliest Diaper Bag Ever

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For many men, respect is something strongly desired and rarely received – at least to the extent we think we deserve. At no point in the history of fatherhood has it ever been cool to carry a diaper bag. Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of “neat” (read: marketable) diaper bags made for dads, and carrying one is definitely a manly thing to do. Then again so is actually changing diapers, but that doesn’t make it cool nor does it gain you any respect.

Most of you already know this; I can see it in your eyes. You know the Hooters girls giggle behind your back for toting around a pastel bag filled full of spit up rags and soiled onesies and you’ll never forget the feeling you had when that teenage punk barista made a crack about your apparent fondness of teddy bears and rubber duckies. All of your experiences have left you feeling emasculated. No one respects a guy carrying a murse, even if you boisterously protest the contrary, including your own children.

The madness ends now! Hazard 4 produces the coolest, most rugged diaper bag – and they don’t even know it yet. ThinkGeek sent me a Plan-B Evac Sling Pack to put to the test. Over the past month I’ve discovered several ways this bag will have your back and help you be prepared for almost any disaster a dad can expect to face while out with a little one. When you’re walking around the mall, park, or zoo with baby/toddler in tow you’re going to want something comfortable to carry, able to withstand being dropped off the roof of the car without falling apart after you forgot it was there, all while providing enough room to be stuffed with three (potty training is crappy) changes of wet clothes. The Plan-B Evac Sling Pack has offers all that and more.

Here’s the rundown of details and specs for this gnarly bag:

  • The total-customization Evac w/ full MOLLE coverage
  • 3-D thermo-moulded back-panel for support w/ flex
  • Padded, moveable internal divider like those in photo bags
  • Small top-zipper to pass long objects like souvenirs/posters
  • Side elastic-topped-pockets for baby bottles, sippy cups, etc.
  • Compression-straps also cross to secure large objects (think giant stuffed animal you own at the fair)
  • Compression straps can cross on sides & over top
  • Relatively large volume will hold bulky items with ease
  • Generously padded back with air circulation pad array
  • 3-D air-mesh under strap for ventilation & comfort
  • Full hydration bladder compatible (up to 67 Oz./2 L)
  • Can fit 3 L hydration bladder up to 2.5 L capacity (that’s a whole lot of Red Bull)
  • One large pocket for access while on chest w/ organizer (perfect for wet wipes)
  • One smaller stuff-pocket for soiled diapers etc. w/ patch area
  • Large grab-handles for carrying and pulling to front/back
  • Trap-door pass for hydration hose w/ large bite-valve cover
  • Internal mesh zip/elastic pockets for organizing items
  • Top-open panel zipper can be accessed while on chest
  • Wind-flap zippers on all pockets to keep out the elements
  • 3-D, padded shoulder strap built without any sharp edges (you know, ’cause those are dangerous)
  • Large, locking side-push buckle is easily indexed on chest
  • Stabilizer strap links to either side/ keeps bag from sliding
  • Top/bottom compression-straps, also secure tubular items, bro
  • Velcro patch is a recessed window style
  • Material: DuPont® Cordura® 1000D
  • Main compartment dimensions: 19.5″ x 6″ x 5.9″ (lots of room for diapers, clothes, blankets, baby food etc.)

If you couldn’t tell from the photos, Hazard 4 made this bag for our military men and women while out in the field. It’s tougher than that wise cracking barista and more macho than your wife’s teddy bear and rubber ducky bag you’ve been lugging around for who knows how long. Everything on this bag supersedes expectations for diaper bags.

I loaded this bag with enough supplies to cover the boy and me for a trip to Hooters to watch the UFC fights while tossing back a few cold juice boxes. Respect was commanded when we walked through the door. No wise cracks. No giggles. Just father and son enjoying each other’s company, the ambiance of the restaurant, and the bloodshed of the guys on TV.

Buy your own Plan-B Evac Sling Pack from ThinkGeek here.

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One thought on “The Manliest Diaper Bag Ever

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